Summer festival season is upon us. In a year with over a dozen new festivals, many of us will be packing up our bags, SPF, tents, coolers, etc. to catch some of our favorite acts across the world in settings sometimes too close for comfort. Coachella heats up (literally) festival season tomorrow and I thought it would be a fitting time to post about crazy shit people have seen at festivals over the years.

Two sites have pages upon pages of rather unbelievable stories from festival experiences. For some hilarious hippie reads (IMO, the best ones), check out the forum on Jambase (thx Chris) and those of you heading out to Indio today and tomorrow can hopefully add some interesting stories to the Coachella thread. A few of the highlights from both threads are below. Get in there!

Feel free to leave your festival stories in the comments.

there was a guy in 2006 on monday who had fucking gone on a bad trip. He was a shirtless dude with long ass hair who was running around panting like a dog and he went up to this woman who was brushing her teeth by the showers and started well… I think fingering his ass, he was a good… i dont know 30 some odd ft away and we could only see his hand down his pants and after a while we saw him leap up into the trailer wall face first and then just fall out on the ground and he just you know… laid there.

Dude was at the top of the hill overlooking the stage. He had on a helmet and some padding and, after his friends has cleared a sizable area, starts doing huge, looping, head-first cartwheels down the steep, rocky, washed-out hill of Marvin’s Mountaintop. The first time I saw this I was obviously shocked that he lived; I mean, I could barely walk up and down the hill. It was kinda anticlimactic the second time around.

Funniest part is that, in 06, he walks back up the hill and says to the crowd,”You want rolls? I’ll give you rolls.” Classic.

I saw a girl sitting on the grass biting her toe nails.

“Dude” had filled a trash bag with empties and shoved it under our car. My friend started to kick the bag of cans out from under the car when wookie “dude” runs up shouting (with baloon still in mouth) “What are doing!!!?? That’s my best friend you’re kicking !!! I’ll fuck you up!!!”

As we frantically attempt to translate reality for “dude” the other people parked near us begin to return to their cars. One of them shouts “What the fuck!!!?? Why is there a dog locked in my car!!!?? I don’t have a dog. I don’t even have my keys”.

Right then the baloons ran out for wookie “dude” and he came to his senses. Our neighbors angerly asked “Do you know how that dog got in my car?” then walked away. Next, “dude” leaned over and whispered “Yo man don’t tell that guy, but ummmm, I think I may have locked that dog in there. I’m kinda fucked up and I thought the dog was lost so I put him in the car.”

Then those same calls of confusion started to come from all directions down the rows of cars: “What the fuck!!!?? Why is there a dog locked in my car!!!??” Dozens of people now had hippie tour dogs locked in their cars.

As I stumbled out of the row of cars, laughing my ass off, I could see dirty tour dogs jumping out of stranger cars in every direction. Apparently, while everyone was in the show, “dude” huffed baloons, got wookied, and took all the tour dogs on the lot and locked them in the first unlocked car he could find.

I walked in on a guy jacking off into what I think was a cinnamon roll. It was pretty disturbing.

The craziest shit I’ve seen so far was the swarm of bees that attacked during M.I.A. I ran out of there like George Costanza knocking old women and children over…I mean, I was clearing a path for everyone else!…uggh.

i camped and had to take a shit. This was sunday so i didnt have toilet paper and i was looking for a portapoty that had paper. I actually found one but it accidently fell inside. I was like fuck it, i picked it up and used the side that wasnt brown. The worst thing was that i didnt shower till monday morning that i got home.

We camped next to a group of four hotties. 1st night, one of ‘em asks if I want to smoke rock. She comes into my tent, yadda yadda yadda, she’s tossing my salad, it’s crazy. Whole tent is a fog. I’ve got about six tenths of this clean shard, swallow half. She licks my cack, sprinkles the rest on it, and tells me to f- her in the butt. I guess this is called “plunging”, but I always thought it was BS. Who does this? But here she is and she wants it. So, in it goes. She hollers, like, loudly. Then BAM! the tent fly zips open and two cops come in all hunched over with flashlights. They pull us apart, me with a chili dog. She’s laughing. I don’t know why. Maybe the shard hits fast that way. I yell something like “Whoa! Courtesy! Two fucking minutes!” The younger cop laughs. The tent smells like crack smoke and a little bit like poop. Turns out that these cops were using infrared goggles and could see us hitting the chubba through the wall of the tent. Well, by this time all they could find was one bowl and an empty baggy. I took a pee in the cop car. I got a lawyer on retainer for 5K. Don’t know about her.

Finally! Mike McGonigal’s 33 1/3 on My Bloody Valentine‘s Loveless was published on January 10th and ready to be shipped. I just ordered my copy this morning. According to Under The Radar, the pocket-sized book provides “in-depth information on recording sessions and interviews conducted for the book with band leader Kevin Shields and his ex bandmate/lover Bilinda Butcher shine a blinding light on the album and why there was never a follow-up.”

Order it straight from Continuum here.

In other “why there was never a follow-up” news, Magnet did an interview with Shields earlier this month where he stated the following:

I’ll get excited when they actually make the fucking thing instead of talking about it for the last 15 years.

Below are a couple of my favorite comments from the week. Seriously wtf!?

I recently finished reading Touching From A Distance, Deborah Curtis’ in-depth biographical account of her husband’s life. I bought the book hoping to better understand what type of person Ian Curtis really was, but it fell short of giving me the full picture of his life. The chilling fact that the book made incredibly clear was that he isolated himself from those that were closest to him and they didn’t even seem to know or understand him.

I’m doubting this new straight to DVD documentary, Joy Division: Under Review, is going to provide any insight to Ian’s life and I don’t really expect it to. This 70-minute documentary charts the short career of Joy Division “from their origins in their days as Warsaw to the more well known incarnation of Joy Division.” Features include rare musical performances, obscure footage of interviews, and rarely seen photographs. Plus review, comment, criticism and insight from Mick Middles, Barney Hoskyns, Pat Gilbert, John Robb, David Stubbs, and more. For some lame ass reason, the DVD is being released on October 31st.

On another Joy Division note, filming for Control, “the long-awaited movie about Joy Division’s late frontman, Ian Curtis,” began in July. The film “will expand on Touching From A Distance, to give a fuller account of the man and his life. To achieve this, writer Matt Greenhalgh has interviewed all the relevant people including Annik Honore (Ian’s mistress).”

Joy Division  ”Atmosphere”

You may have noticed at some point while reading this blog that some of the CU crew enjoy referring to shows as “concerts.” This is something that really irks the hell out of Nghia and prompted him to send out an email to all of us to refrain from using the word “concert.” Basically, his argument was that the word “concert” is dated and homely, like using the word “automobile”, as in ‘I jumped into my automobile and drove to the store,’ or the word “world wide web,” as in ‘I was reading the news on the world wide web all day.’

I was hoping for more of a reaction from the rest of the group, but there was only one rebuttal saying ‘that using the word “show” sounds like you went and saw Mama Mia!, Rent or some other musical bullshit.’

Personally, I like to use the words “show” or “gig” and reserve the word concert for larger scale events, like a “Sufjan Stevens or Tapes ‘N Tapes concert,” seriously, you don’t go to a “Rolling Stones show” or “New York Philharmonic show”, you go to a “New York Philharmonic concert.” I also think it’s laughable when someone says, “hey, get me two tickets to that CBGBs concert.”

Is it taboo to use the word “concert” or does it depend on what you’re referring to?

I had a chance to sit down with Sybris‘ bassist Shawn Podgurski and vocalist/guitarist Angela Mullenhour (pictured) for a Splendid Magazine interview on November 4TH after their show at Mercury Lounge. The interview is now up on Splendid, it’s extremely long (Splendid requirements), so when you have some spare time read the full interview here. But read it soon because at the end of the year Splendid is no more.

Other CU Posts on Sybris
Sybris @ Mercury Lounge
CMJ Guide
New Music Thursday Feature

As of the mid-1990s, there were a hell of a lot of kids like this in America: Happy pop geeks in love with all things pretty, listening to seven-inch singles released on tiny labels, writing songs about crushes, and taking a good deal of pride in the fact that everyone else found their music disgustingly cute and amateurish and girly. This is the story of how they got there– a partial history of the indie pop project, and a beginner’s guide to what it meant.

Read the full article here.

This is an incredible rags-to-riches-to-rags story about the one and only guy — Michael Larsen — who ever gamed my favorite 80s gameshow, Press Your Luck, winning over $100k in the process.

God, I loved watching that show. I always wondered why it went off the air…

Anyway, here’s what’s comin’ at you this week:

1. UNTIL I FIND YOU

What: John Irving will be reading from his new novel — Until I Find You — as part of the Meet the Writers series, so you might be able to score a signed copy by this prolific writer, author of classics such as Cider House Rules, A Prayer for Owen Meany, and The World According to Garp. If the book sucks, there’ll probably be a lot of cute girls that you can impress with your new-found literary knowledge.

When: Thursday, August 18th, 7PM

Where: Union Sqare Barnes and Noble

How Much: FREE

2. ENON

What: For those of us that didn’t get tickets to the (count ‘em) FIVE sold out Sujan Stevens shows at the Bowery, you can check out Brooklyn-based ENON.

When: Friday, August 19th. Opening bands at 8.30, ENON at 11.30.

Where: Mercury Lounge

How Much: $10

3. SUMMER SAMURAI

What: The Film Forum kicks-off the dog-days of summer with their four-week-long Summer Samurai series, playing all kinds of classic-yet-schlocky martial arts films including the Akira Kurosawa classic, Seven Samurai. Think spaghetti westerns meet ramen noodles.

When: August 19 – September 15

Where: Film Forum

How Much: Dunno — whatever a movie costs these days

4. BEST WEEK EVER

What: The Upright Citizens Brigagde has a great Monday event: VH1′s Best Week Ever. Panelists like Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel joke their way through the week’s big stories in pop culture — absolutely hilarious. And remember, the UCB is BYOB.

When: Monday, August 22, 8PM

Where: UCB Theater

How Much: $8

4. DAZED & CONFUSED

What: Need I say more?

When: Wednesday, August 24th, dusk (around 8:30pm)

Where: Pier 54 (Hudson River and 14th street)

How Much: FREE

Despite my previous disparging comments about Austinist editor Ben Brown, I’ve now come full-circle to believe that’s Ben’s weekly recap of the Real World: Austin is just about some of the funniest reading currently available on the internet(s).

I stopped watching the show after the second episode, and now I soley rely on the caustic wit and and piercing insights into early-20s American youth culture (read: booze, sex, booze and more sex) that Ben serves up the following morning after each episode. Really good stuff.